“Black man, how you show up in relationships is rooted in your early experiences you haven't or rarely unpack. Understanding that is where healing begins.” - Dr. Daphne C. Harris

Are you scared of commitment? Is it difficult for you to form meaningful connections? Is trusting people hard? Basically, do you struggle in your relationships? If so, let's talk about something that shapes our relationships without us even realizing it: attachment. Attachment is the emotional bond we form with our parents or primary caregivers as kids. How our parents acted towards us or met our needs influences our perceptions of others and how we act in relationships.  

Think about it like this: if your parents, or whoever raised you, were warm, consistently there for you, and made you feel safe and valued, as a child, you probably developed a secure attachment. You're probably more comfortable with intimacy and trusting others as an adult. On the flip side, you might lean towards an insecure attachment style if they were inconsistent, unavailable, abusive, or neglectful. It may make relationships feel like a rollercoaster. As an adult, you may be jealous, clingy, wishy-washy, or run when a relationship becomes too intimate.

There are four attachment styles.

o   secure

o   anxious-preoccupied

o   dismissive-avoidant

o   fearful-avoidant

(*see the chart below for more details).

You may find that your behavior or beliefs fit one style, but you can also identify with others when you look at your relationships over time. Attachment styles can shift depending on the partner, trauma, past experiences, or major life events.  Understanding your attachment style is important. It can explain why you might struggle with commitment or why specific relationship patterns keep repeating. By recognizing these patterns, you can work towards healthier relationships, whether it's with friends, family, or an intimate partner.

Are you tired of struggling in relationships? Are you tired of feeling unworthy and undeserving of love? Are you ready to learn how to love, rely on, and trust others? Healing old wounds and building secure attachments isn’t easy. Through psycho-education, self-exploration, and raising your level of self-awareness, it can be done.

We will talk more about each attachment style so you can unlock your power to build healthy and sustainable relationships. Keep following us, participate in the chats, and join our Chop it Ups! to learn more and get support.